With Or Without
by Lionna Mouri
Summary: Shonen-ai. Songfic to With or Without You by U2. Open-ended... focus switches back and forth from Duo to Heero...


Title: With or Without  
By: Shinigami Goddess (Lionna)  
Started: May 11, 2000  
Ended: May 11, 2000  
Song: With or Without You by U2  
Type: Vid-fic/ slight angst/ romance  
  
See the stone set in your eyes  
See the thorn twist in your side  
I wait for you  
  
[Duo feigns sleep while watching his roommate through mostly closed   
eyes. He notes the sudden slump of shoulders as Heero lets a sigh out,   
so uncharacteristic.   
  
The Japanese boy suddenly produces a picture on the screen of his   
laptop and Duo bites back a startled cry of hurt.   
  
Relena stares out from the laptop.  
  
A look - regret? Hope? Hurt? Loss? – passes through the twin cobalt   
blue orbs and Duo closes his eyes completely. He waits so long to   
finally find that he'd never have a chance.]  
  
Sleight of hand and twist of fate  
On a bed of nails she makes me wait  
And I wait without you  
  
[Close up of Heero's sleeping face. There is no sign of emotion, as   
normal. Camera closes in towards the closed eyelids until scene fades   
and slightly lighter images appear.  
  
Relena stands by an open window with despair, hope, and innocence   
apparent. She stares out at the morning sky and her mouth opens   
wordlessly as she shouts. Nearby Heero waits with empty eyes.  
  
'What does she mean to me?' he asks himself. 'Why can I not kill her…   
why is she important?' Behind the cool blue eyes, pain flickers for a   
moment before squashed relentlessly by cold determination.  
  
Heero's eyelids fill the scene again and suddenly they snap open to   
reveal wide, cool blue eyes. He sits and a wide view of the room takes   
place. The bed on the other side of the room is empty and the other   
belongings are gone. One the desk is a desk reading:  
  
'Got a mission. Had to leave. See you later-']  
  
With or without you  
  
[Heero works on repairs for Wing, remembering the time when he and Duo   
worked on all missions together. The memory is torn away as Heero   
fiercely twists a wire back in place. Anger flares in his eyes for a   
moment before diminishing behind the cold, unyielding shields. He was a   
loner and that was that.  
  
'Then why do I miss all the chatter?']  
  
With or without you  
  
[Duo rubs a hand across his forehead, leaving behind a streak of   
grease. He smiles up at Deathscythe, patting the Gundam's leg   
affectionately. The smile fades as an image of Heero blurs his vision.   
Shaking his head, the braided hair pilot turned towards the safe house   
he was sharing with Quatre and Trowa. A smirk played on his lips for a   
time:  
  
'Those two… so good together…']  
  
Through the storm we reach the shore  
You give it all but I want more  
And I'm waiting for you  
  
[Heero and Duo argue over the course taken for the past mission. Wufei   
ignores them as best he can while Quatre and Trowa watch on. The blonde   
wearing a look of despair.   
  
"I ain't perfect, learn to deal with it!" Duo shouts and flicks his   
braid behind him.  
  
"You don't need to be perfect but you need to learn and fight! You   
can't be so weak!" Heero spits back, unusually angry and upset.  
  
Duo ignores the Japanese boy and turns away. "I would never sacrifice   
those lives. It's not worth it."   
  
The door slams and camera focuses in on Heero's slowly cooling face.   
Regret appears in the back of those cobalt orbs before the scene fads.]  
  
[Duo sits on top of a hill after the heated argument. His temper is   
cooling but the ache in his heart is reopening, old wounds bleeding   
once again.   
  
Staring up at the sky he notices the stars glittering down to embrace   
him. He turns away, not wishing to see the long-dead faces of those he   
loved.  
  
'Why don't you see?' he demanded.]  
  
With or without you  
With or without you  
I can't live  
With or without you  
  
[Heero tosses and turns in bed, restless after many hours of no sign of   
Duo. The other bed in the room remains empty, just proving the fact of   
the other's absence.  
  
'Where are you, baka? Are you alright?']  
  
[The doors slowly opens and Heero jerks awake and sits up to face Duo   
who is coming carefully into the room. Their eyes meet for a moment and   
Duo mutters, "Gomen… I shouldn't have argued. I couldn't make the   
sacrifice, no matter what you wanted.  
  
Heero frowns and inquires, "Why?"  
  
"Why you ask," Duo laughs bitterly for a moment. "Why indeed. Let's   
just say it's because of my past…" He sighs and walks to his bed.  
  
"Duo."  
  
The longhaired boy ignores the other and quickly slips under the   
sheets.  
  
"Duo, tell me."  
  
"No." The whisper is soft but firm. "I cannot tell you. I can't tell   
anyone, not now." Duo firmly ends the conversation with, "Good night."  
  
Heero frowns but goes against his wishes to pursue the statements.]  
  
[Fuzzy images appear and slowly focus. The scene is dreamlike, light   
mist covering the ground around pale-colored objects. Two figures are   
talking.  
  
The scene is torn from its beautiful feel as deep crimson blood   
splatters across the screen. Close up of wide, horrified eyes slowly   
zooms out to find a hand closing the self-destruct button.  
  
Everything clears and Duo sits straight up in bed, panting heavily. He   
glances at the sleeping Japanese form and whispers, "Don't leave me.   
You can't… don't… onegai… just don't. I…"   
  
'I can't live without you.']  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
[Heero watches from the side while Duo talks seriously to Wufei.   
Together the two reminisce on pre-war days and they find about one   
another's past.  
  
Cobalt blue eyes still focus only on Duo.]  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
[Duo gives Quatre a hug, reassuring the blonde that times will be okay   
and he'll see Trowa again. Said boy is walking to Heavyarms and   
preparing for the next mission. Quatre sniffles but manages a small   
smile as he thanks Duo.  
  
Heero grips the table edge under white-knuckled fists.]  
  
And you give  
  
[After the boys grab groceries, they walk down the street chatting   
contently. They pass an alley way where three small children study them   
with wide, starving eyes. Duo hesitates as the others continue on.   
Pausing longer, the American ducks into the alley and hands the oldest   
girl the whole bag of food he was carrying. A small smile appears on   
his face and a wistful memory comes to mind.  
  
The children are stunned and suddenly are crying and hugging the older   
boy who had given them a bit of hope. Murmured thanks are heard as the   
three hurry off with waves of goodbye.   
  
Duo continues to watch, eyes slightly filled with tears.]  
  
And you give  
  
[Wufei shouts at Duo for misplacing the groceries and the braided boy   
shrugs with a joking laugh. "I know, I know… Duo no baka lets the bag   
out of sight for a moment and losses it…" Another laugh.  
  
Quatre frowns but says nothing. Heero ignores the conversation on   
purpose, busy checking for new missions.   
  
It's Trowa who speaks finally, "You never lost them."  
  
Duo silences as does Wufei. Everyone looks at Trowa expectantly.  
  
"I saw what you did for those children. You have a large heart, Duo."   
The comment hangs in the air as realization sinks in.  
  
Heero stares at the American for a while wondering how the boy could   
give so much away and still have some left for himself. 'Baka. He'll   
lose everything one day.']  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
[Melancholy, violet-blue eyes stare to the spot his friend used to be   
standing moments before. The eyes slowly turn to look at the retreating   
backs of two figures. The first is a young man with tousled, brown   
hair. The other is female with mid-back, wheat blonde hair. She clings   
to the other's arm and amazingly enough the boy is letting her do so.  
  
'She's the only one to open his heart. She's the only one… not me… not   
me…'   
  
Duo turns away, hands buried in his pocket as he heads back to the   
school where he was boarded for classes with Heero.]   
  
My hands are tied  
My body bruised, she's got me with  
Nothing to win and  
Nothing left to lose  
  
[Duo opens his blackened eyes as a light shines down to reveal his   
bruised and batter body. His hands are shackled behind his bad and his   
braid is coming loose. His eyes don't sparkle with mirth as they   
usually do and he suddenly falls to the floor from lack of sleep.   
  
For days the boy fought against his captors, refusing to become a   
falling star in such weak conditions. But that was how it was to be, it   
seemed. A small bitter chuckle escapes the American's lips before he   
falls unconscious. Thoughts of his soon to be execution come to mind.]  
::Flashback::  
[Duo struck angrily with Deathscythe's blade and ignored the shrieking   
voice in his mind. Oddly enough the voice was female… and Relena's.   
  
"I told you, he's agreed to come with me! Now leave us! I don't need   
you." Relena tossed her hair back in impatience as she glares at Duo.   
Previously he provoked such a temper from her, claiming that Heero   
didn't love her at all but she would have none of it. "He's mine, ask   
him yourself."  
  
"I don't need to," comes the bitter reply. Duo turns and runs towards   
Deathscythe, not wishing to show the other girl how he was reacting.   
'Of course he loves you, I know that… I don't want to admit it but I   
know it. His heart is yours… always will be, won't it?'  
  
Back to the fighting at hand, Duo swings the scythe around to destroy   
more enemies. The mobile suits are overwhelming him and he studies the   
red button off to the side in thought.   
  
'I've nothing to lose… nothing to win…'  
  
Camera closes in on red button as a tightened fist slams down. An   
explosion follows and scene fades.]  
::End Flashback::   
  
And you give yourself away  
And you give yourself away  
  
[Heero relays in information in a monotone, not revealing his worry   
over the captured American.   
  
"…Execution…?" Quatre echoes in horror. A brief nod affirms the   
blonde's question. "Oh no… we must get him out of there!" Images of all   
the times Duo and Quatre spent talking about the two silent boys they   
loved fill the scene.   
  
Quatre's wide blue eyes come into focus as his thoughts echo out, 'He   
can't die… he still has to tell Heero… he has to fulfill his part of   
our promise. Duo…']  
  
And you give  
And you give  
  
[Wufei speaks finally, "We get Maxwell out." He remembers the one and   
only time he spoke of his life with Meiran before the war… when she was   
alive. That one time had been with Duo. "We'll need his help later in   
the war."  
  
"He's worth rescuing." Trowa comments, eyes flickering with hidden   
emotions. His face reveals nothing but in his mind eye he can still see   
the stricken faces of the street children as Duo gave them a bag of   
food.   
  
Heero says nothing, pretending to retrieve more information from his   
laptop. They have limited time. 'You gave part of yourself to everyone   
but me, didn't you? Why? Why not me?']  
  
And you give yourself away  
  
[Duo slowly awakes from his sleep by a hard kick to his ribs.   
Involuntarily he groans and doubles over. All he wishes is for Death to   
take him and leave him be. Let him rest.  
  
The guard sneers at the bruised and ill boy. "We needn't even carry out   
the execution, you'll die anyway. Orders are orders, though. Get on   
your feet, boy. Get up!" Another sharp kick cracks into Duo's stomach   
and the braided boy knew he couldn't stand.   
  
Blackness nipping at his vision again, Duo can only see the image of   
Relena's arm tugging at Heero insistently and the Japanese pilot going   
along with it.  
  
A single tear falls to the cell floor.]   
  
With or without you  
With or without you  
I can't live  
With or without you  
  
[Heero urges Wing faster as he fights, desperately trying to be the   
first to reach the prison. His heart is pounding fast and thoughts are   
incoherent as reflexes take over and his enemies are destroyed quickly.   
  
But not quick enough.  
  
A low growl rises from Heero's throat and he forces himself into the   
compound. He jumps from the opened hatch and runs towards the building,   
hoping it's not too late.   
  
Time with the braided baka were always headaches and at times   
heartaches. Then again, without the American everything was so silent   
and so empty… lonely…  
  
The battlefield was filled with crazed laughter whenever self-  
proclaimed Shinigami fought. Yet when he wasn't… the battles weren't   
the same.  
  
'Don't you dare be dead!'  
  
Memories of Duo first rescuing Heero from the hospital appear across   
the scene. Heero jumps from the top floor, head first, with Duo   
screaming at him to open the parachute. Too late it's opened and Heero   
falls, breaking a leg. Duo rushes, swearing, to help the other boy   
along and they rush away.  
  
'You saved me so much. It's my turn… you better not give up…']  
  
With or without you  
With or without you  
  
[Duo awakes once again but the cell is empty and quite… and dark.   
Unconsciously he thinks that it doesn't seem much different from what   
he's used to. Whether Heero was with him or not he was always   
surrounded by silence and… heartache. It didn't matter if the other boy   
was there because the other boy didn't care.  
  
That was the brutal reality. Heero didn't, and wouldn't ever care for   
Duo. No matter how much he wishes.   
  
'But still… still…' Scene fades with a spiraling black feather cutting   
through the scene.]  
  
I can't live  
With or without you  
  
[Duo is roughly tugged to his feet and forced to move towards the door.   
He cannot walk and henceforth is dragged out into the hallway. Sudden   
gunshots are heard and the American doesn't even notice the pain when a   
stray bullet pierces his skin. Blackness opens to him again and he   
smirks.  
  
'Death, is that you I do see?' A skeletal hand is reaching out and Duo   
prepares to reach it.  
  
"Duo!" The anguished cry shatters the blackness and Duo's eyes reopen   
to find Heero kneeling over him and slowly and gently picking him up.   
"Don't die! Don't you dare die!" His voice is high with fright,   
something Heero had never voiced.   
  
"He… Heero…" Duo murmurs, loving the warmth surrounding him. "Lemme go…   
I… found where I'm wanted… where's… Death…?" he manages the words   
before falling away. He can't help but think that hell won't be so   
inviting without Heero beside him and he begins to struggle for life   
again, not sure if he's to make it.]  
  
With or without you  
  
["Duo!" Heero swears under his breath and clutches the longhaired boy   
to him as he rushes down the hallway at breakneck speed. He never meant   
for his bullets to go off target but then again he never expected Duo   
to be out of his cell.   
  
The already badly hurt boy bleeds anew from a wound in his left   
shoulder. Violet-blue eyes are closed and the body seems to slowly be   
cooling.]  
  
[The sun is brightly shining through glitter-paned windows. The light   
reveals one male form on a clean, white bed with various cords and   
tubes surrounding him. Another figure is curled up in a chair beside   
the bed and he too is sleeping.  
  
Quatre enters the room in panic at first but then smiles softly to see   
Heero sleeping in the chair beside Duo. 'Get better, my friend. I do   
believe your feelings are returned.'  
  
Arms covered in long sleeves circle about Quatre and bring him close to   
another body. "Do you believe everything will be okay between them   
now?" Trowa's voice rumbles softly.  
  
"Hai…" Quatre smiles again as he watches both Duo's and Heero's bodies   
stir at the same time. "I really do think so."  
  
1  
  
1  
  



End file.
